Bob's Tattoo Parlor
by Mallovoriel
Summary: “Yea… Bob did have a cool tattoo though… wait tattoo?… where’d the wraith get tattoos?” Thanks to my beta Susie!
1. THE Tattoo

Chapter 1

A/N: this story was inspired by a conversation about Bob and his tattoo.

Jsgal24JAG: honestly our convos at lunch are insane. Put me, mallo, and KR together and wow! Things go loony here!

"I wonder if Bob and Steve were related?" Ford asked.

"Who knows?" Sheppard replied.

"We don't need to be discussing Wraith family trees," McKay said.

"Yea… Bob did have a cool tattoo though… wait tattoo?… where'd the wrath get tattoos?"

Fade back in time to small alcove in Jim's Emporium inside the Wraith ship Black Fury…

Morrigan, from the ship Raven, was currently attaining the deed for said alcove, as she wished to expand her tattoo business.

"Fool, hold still!" Morrigan yelled at Bob. "Moron," she muttered under her breath. "If you really want this tattoo then quit moving! This should have taken me no more than ten minutes instead it's been three hours and I'm still no where near done."

He moved to speak and she smacked him upside the head, "Close your eye idiot or I'll blind you!"

"Which might actually be an improvement," she added under her breath.

"Hurry up! I have to get back before anyone notices I'm not at home," Bob said, trying very hard not to move his head as he didn't want to be hit again.

She placed her hands on her hips and tried to look intimidating, her cousin wasn't fazed. "I'm trying but you won't stop twitching. Honestly you're as bad as an ancient!" she said impatiently.

Just then Steve walked in "Ah, ah, ah, Morrigan insulting family…" he said teasingly.

"No! I refuse to believe this imbecile is of my bloodline." She stated getting back to work on Bob's tattoo, as Bob had frozen upon hearing the voice of his older brother.

Steve walked over and looked down at Bob, "What is this exactly?" he asked haltingly, as he inspectingly regarded the new addition to his brother's face. Bob, though he still had his eyes closed, cringed under the steely gaze.

"Hold still!" Morrigan said exasperated.

She glanced up at Steve never halting her work as she sized him up. "And who pray-tell invited YOU into MY shop?" she asked.

A/N: And actually this is a joint effort by me and 3 of my friends. Me and JSgal24JAG have written a story together called The Missing Child, and through our random off the wall convos at lunch we have managed to recruit two more to our cause (haven't quite decided what that is yet but… oh well)


	2. The Calm Before The Storm

Chapter 2

Disclaimer (as I neglected to put it in the first chapter… oops): um lets see… I don't own stargate atlantis… or bob or steve… or the wraith… I don't even own morrigan see belongs to a friend of mine and was invented specifically for this story (though she may show up elsewhere )

um yea almost anything else is mine. MINE I tell you except for the copyrighted things…

* * *

"_And who pray-tell invited YOU into MY shop?"_

Mockingly Steve replied, "Who pray-tell gave you permission to tattoo my little brother?"

Morrigan glared down at Steve, "What I am doing to your brother is not of your concern. Now take your nosey little self and GET OUT OF MY SHOP!"

Bob, with his eyes still closed, moved to speak and found himself on the receiving end of a smack from Morrigan.

"Quit moving! I'm not done yet."

Steve, getting slightly rattled, "I am here to attempt to uphold the family honor, which you seem to have nothing but disregard for."

Morrigan brought herself up to her full height, which was a full head above Steve. "I have great regard for family honor, which is why I'm going to do all Wraiths a favor and get rid of a certain one."

–And later his puny baby brother- She added quietly to herself –After he pays for his tattoo and I get my hands on this ship.-

Steve strained to look up at her, "You most certainly will not get rid of me, because then there would be no one to keep the family honor intact. Lord knows I couldn't rely on either of you two."

Morrigan, still continuing Bob's tattoo, "Shut up and quit babbling about family honor; you're making me mad and I haven't eaten in a while." She shot him a look from the corner of her eye.

Steve backed up a bit and looked at her nervously. In a timid voice he replied, "You wouldn't really do that now would you? … You wouldn't kill family?"

Morrigan took one hand away from her work and shoved it at Steve palm out, "I most certainly would you little coward."

Steve, his mouth gaping open, pointed at her hand, "You… you have two…" he said stammering in shock, "There's two of them."

Morrigan pulled her hand back and inspected it shrugging, "So what. Now you know how I survived so long."

Steve, was still in shock, "How does that help any?" he asked puzzled.

Morrigan answered flippantly, "Even though there's only one life I get …" she stopped suddenly realizing who she was talking too. "Why am I telling you this anyway?" she got back to work. She then turned and glared at Steve, "I thought I told you to get out. Now GO!"

* * *

Review responses: (A/N: even though I only got two I'm slightly bitter about that I'll have you know… ;)

Belisse- I'm glad you liked. And I fully intend too


	3. A Storm Begins To Brew

Chapter 3

* * *

Last Time…

Steve, his mouth gaping open, pointed at her hand, "You… you have two…" he said stammering in shock, "There's two of them."

Morrigan pulled her hand back and inspected it shrugging, "So what. Now you know how I survived so long."

Steve, was still in shock, "How does that help any?" he asked puzzled.

Morrigan answered flippantly, "Even though there's only one life I get …" she stopped suddenly realizing who she was talking too. "Why am I telling you this anyway?" she got back to work. She then turned and glared at Steve, "I thought I told you to get out. Now GO!"

* * *

Now…

Steve calmly walked over to the door not wanting to show his intimidation, but as he turned out of view he scurried away down the corridor. Of course this did not escape Morrigan though as she had one of her purple eyed raven minions on a perch just outside the entrance to her shop.

Morrigan turned back to work on Bob's tattoo. Bob for his part, still had his eyes shut tightly.

"How much longer must this hellish practice take?" he bemoaned. Morrigan rapped him lightly upside the head.

"I told you to be still," she said exasperated.

Bob, who was now tired of being her punching bag replied, "Must you keep hitting me. I paid for a tattoo not a beating!"

Morrigan, now unrelenting in her fury, raised her hand to him, "Do you or do you not want this tattoo?"

Bob cowered at the thought that she might actually hit him again, said timidly, "Y-yes."

"Then be still!" she glared down at him, "I'm almost done."

1 hour (and many raps) later Morrigan is putting the finishing touches on Bob's tattoo.

Morrigan sighed, "Finally! I'm done… it only took me about 4 hours," she finished sarcastically.

Bob walked over to the closest mirror and began inspecting his new tattoo.

"Alright, pay up. You owe me $15," Morrigan said calmly.

"But I already paid you!" Bob protested turning to face her.

"Yes but that was when I thought it was only going to take me half an hour. Time is money."

Bob grumbled to himself but fished the $15 out of his side pocket.

Morrigan took the money and put it away before giving Bob a sly look. "I have an interesting proposition for you," she said while slinking across the room towards him.

Bob looked up at her uncertainly, for after all she is a head taller then Steve and Steve's taller then Bob so… "What?" Bob asked taking a step away from her to keep from craning his neck.

"How would you like to run one of these tattoo shops for me?" Morrigan asked, metaphorically closing in on her quarry.

"Run a tattoo shop…… for you?" Bob asked perplexed.

Morrigan rolled her eyes, "That _is_ what I just said, isn't it?"

Bob simply stared at her lost.

"On your ship I will set up the shop and you will run it for me," she explained.

"Will I get paid?" Bob asked uncertainly, not quite sure what his family would think of this.

"Of course."

"How much?"

"$20 a week," she said smugly.

"$30," he said getting a bit daring.

"$25," Morrigan said glaring.

"Done."

* * *

A/N: I know everything's pretty cheap but I just choose random numbers. And I used dollars for I am too lazy to invent their own currency, but if anyone has any good ideas I will be willing to go back and change it. Oh and thank you all for taking the time out of you hectic schedules to review. wink wink hint hint nudge nudge

Review Responses:

Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith: I'm glad you liked the last chapters , I do aim to please!… It is a little hard to try and write Steve though and since there are in actuality 4 people writing this story I'm surprised we even settled on a personality type… yes we thought he'd be a stickler for 'family honor'

The Perfect Chicken (as I refuse to type in that long name you used for your 'anonymous' review): yes, yes I will take you tubing… as for the questions. I think I'll let you suffer a while longer you can take it. laughs evilly then ducks as ufo fly's past her head… ok, ok MonkeyGirl wants to call them phantoms, but I'm not sure if they have a real name or not… we've avoided mentioning them by name as you can tell

Belisse: hope to see what?… now I'm confused though I am sure that was not your intention. Confusion comes easily to me shrugs. Glad you like it!


	4. Mother! I'm home!

Chapter 4

A/N: as you are about to find out I have altered wraith ships to my purposes but whose to say they didn't work this way in the first place so…

* * *

Last Time…

"Of course."

"How much?"

"$20 a week," she said smugly.

"$30," he said getting a bit daring.

"$25," Morrigan said glaring.

"Done."

* * *

Now…

Bob stared off into space deep in thought, _–I could really use that money, but what would Steve say? What would mother say!-_

"Um… I'm not quite sure what… those at home… would say about me letting you um… put a tattoo shop on our ship," he stammered.

"You leave the two twits at your house to me and make your own decision!" Morrigan said slightly annoyed.

"Ok, well it's fine with me, but you'll have to fix my mom and brother," Bob then turned to leave but Morrigan started after him.

"Just a minute are they home now?"

"Yes…" Bob said uncertain of where she was going with this.

"Fine, I'll go _fix_ them now," she said before starting down the corridor at a surprisingly fast pace. Bob had to run to keep up with her, as his legs were shorter.

When they got to the docking portal…

Morrigan pushed the button which pressurized the corridor docking the two ships, she then punched a combination into the touch-pad next to her before opening the door. Realizing that she was forgetting something she turned back and pointed at some of her random ravens who happened to be in that part of the ship.

"You- get me a tape measurer, you- pen and paper, you two- follow me," she said as she pointed to each in turn.

She turned to Bob and motioned for him to proceed her before she instructed one of the ravens to sit and guard the door.

"You sit there… and _don't_ move," she intoned sternly. "The rest of you," she motioned to the three others, "with me."

They walked down the tunnel like contraption until they reached the door to Bob's ship.

"Open the door," Morrigan commanded pointing at the touch-pad.

Bob entered his code and the door slid open as Morrigan and her three purple-eyed raven minions stepped inside.

As soon as they were all in a voice drifted around the corner, "Bob is that you?" it asked sweetly, the owner of the voice then rounded the corner and found Morrigan standing there decked in a splendid silver silk number with a black raven feather cape. "WHO are YOU?"

* * *

Review responses:

Belisse: ah well that's what I thought you meant… I'll let you in on a little secret. A third of your wish is about to be granted… that's all I'll say and I know its very puzzling isn't it

The Perfect Chicken (who is obviously lazy): 'hace' fun?

Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith: well lets look at is this way. Would he prefer to scurry to tear out of there at a break neck pace fearing for his life?… see things could get worse… _smiles evilly_

A/N: cookies to my three dedicated reviewers… _sniff_ you've stuck by me when everyone else deserted me… anywho… I should have the next couple parts up within the week, btw after that it may slow down a bit as I'm hoping to get hired for the job I'm being interviewed for tomorrow _crosses fingers _wish me luck!


	5. WHAT!

Chapter 5

* * *

Last Time… 

Bob entered his code and the door slid open as Morrigan and her three purple-eyed raven minions stepped inside.

As soon as they were all in a voice drifted around the corner, "Bob is that you?" it asked sweetly, the owner of the voice then rounded the corner and found Morrigan standing then decked in a splendid black silk number with a silver cape. "WHO are YOU?"

* * *

Now… 

Bob rushed forward to calm her, "Um… mom… this is Morrigan she…"

Boadicca pushed him out of the way and glared at Morrigan, "So… you are the one who gave my son that wretched tattoo!"

"How do you know that?" Bob asked, but his mother simply ignored him.

"I told her," Steve said stepping out of the shadows where he had been observing their little altercation.

"You…" Bob trailed off as his mother started speaking once again.

"**Well**! Answer me!" she yelled since Morrigan had simply ignored the previous accusation.

"Answer what?" Morrigan asked her flippantly in a sweet tone of voice.

"Well, are you or are you _not_ the one who **ruined **my son?" she huffed,

"Depends on how you define 'ruin.'" Morrigan answered calmly.

"The **tattoo**!" Boadicca nearly yelled.

"And if I am?" Morrigan asked standing to her full height.

Bob choose that moment to interrupt the two women before one of them lost a few years or so. "This is not what we're here for! You can take it out on each other later."

"Right," Morrigan stated refocusing on her mission. "Well, let's take this somewhere a bit more private shall we…"

In Bob's personal quarters…

"Now then this is better," Morrigan started, "I'm here to ask where I can set up my tattoo shop on you're ship. Right where we came in would be nice. It's spacious and close to the door."

While she was saying this, the three ravens she had brought with her earlier were busy taking measurements and marking down lines in her previously specified area.

Bob's mother almost exploded, "WHAT! You want to put a tattoo shop on MY ship!" she nearly spat the words out of her mouth in disgust. "Absolutely NOT! I will **not** allow you to pollute my ship as you have polluted my son!" Boadicca stopped to catch her breath.

Morrigan, undaunted by her tirade, said in a tranquil voice, "Well I'm sure we could come to some type of agreement. I see your ship is in need of repairs, perhaps some money or something." She suggested calmly.

Boadicca snorted lightly, "I am not _swayed_ by money!"

* * *

Review responses: 

Belisse: I won't _completely_ dismiss the idea I'm just don't know how I'll work it in. but if I see and oppurtunity I will try… the 'dumb questions' comment has already got me thinking…

Missmcweir: he does seem a bit more stern in Atlantis… but then again how do you write a character from an entirely new race off an entirely new show that you saw them for probably all of 15 minutes and stay true to the essence of the character?… I do admit I've taken some liberties with this. What a family indeed.

Susie: actually you still have this one and I will repost it after you get it back to me… I will write more the problem is not the writing its getting me to get off my lazy butt to type it but who knows…


	6. Money

Chapter 6

* * *

Last time…

Morrigan, undaunted by her tirade, said in a tranquil voice, "Well I'm sure we could come to some type of agreement. I see your ship is in need of repairs, perhaps some money or something." She suggested calmly.

Boadicca snorted lightly, "I am not _swayed_ by money!"

* * *

Now…

Boadicca then turned and appealed to Bob, "Bob dear, please reconsider…"

Bob glanced at Morrigan who shot him a you-better-do-what-I-say look, before turning back to his mother, "Mom this is really wha…" he started to plead but he was interrupted by Steve.

"Mother, this is _not_ a good idea. Next thing you know he's going to run away."

Boadicca looked at him strangely, "Oh Steve, don't be so naïve. Bob would never run away! Now you go on, I'm not talking to you," she punctuated this statement by shooing him with her hands and Steve backed away stunned.

She turned back to Bob, "Bob my pet, I'm not sure about this tattoo shop but if you really want it?" she ended uncertainly.

"Yes this is what I want," Bob said nodding his head in encouragement.

Boadicca sighed, "Oh fine darling," she smiled at Bob softly before turning back to Morrigan with a scowl on her face. "How much are you going to pay me for this tattoo shop!" she practically spat the words out of her mouth.

"Oh maybe… $30 a week," she answered casually.

"Only $30 dollars a week to repair my ruined ship. You should be pay for all of the repairs since **you** were the one who ruined it in the first place!" she huffed at Morrigan.

"I thought we were going to forget about that little incident," Morrigan replied in a caustic tone.

Bob and Steve sat observing the two women's conversation surprised and somewhat shocked… they had never heard of this 'little incident.'

* * *

A/N: I know its short but it seemed like a good place to end it… I hope to have that next part up soon. That is if ya'll want to know what the incident is?

Review Responses:

The Perfect Chicken: yes I do know who you are… swayed by money huh?

Belisse: heart attack huh? That gives me an idea… do the wraith have high blood pressure I wonder…

Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith: I guess I can't call this a review response cause I didn't get one… haven't heard from you in a while… do you not like it? Oh and Steve will show up a bit more in the next chapter I'm trying to keep him in character but its been a while since I've seen him and I know there are a few parts I've weird him out a bit but it fits the story so…


	7. The 'Incident'

Chapter 7

A/N: this chapter is a little more solemn as we reveal some of Morrigans darker side but I promise the humor will come back soon. The 'little incident' promised is probably not what any of you expected…**

* * *

Last Time…**

"Only $30 dollars a week to repair my ruined ship. You should be pay for all of the repairs since **you** were the one who ruined it in the first place!" she huffed at Morrigan.

"I thought we were going to forget about that little incident," Morrigan replied in a caustic tone.

Bob and Steve sat observing the two women's conversation surprised and somewhat shocked… they had never heard of this 'little incident.'

* * *

Now…

"'**Little** incident', I would hardly call it a '**little** incident'!" Boadicca ranted, "Not only did you ruin my ship but in the process you killed dozens including my husband, brother, and eldest son. Then on top of that, you double-crossed me, stole my Stargate, made me an outcast on my own planet! And for _all_ this," she gestured wildly with her arms, "you have no remorse." A single tear trailed down her cheek in remembrance of those lost as she collapsed back into her chair and Steve moved to comfort her.

"Just get your measurements and leave!" she said shooing Morrigan towards the door as she wrenched out of Steve's arms and turned to Bob.

A pained look passed fleetingly over Steve's face before he turned and escorted Morrigan roughly to the exit hatch where her ravens awaited her.

Morrigan turned to Steve, "I've got my shop measurements, it will take two weeks to build so I will send over six ravens in the morning to oversee the work," she said disdainfully. She motioned to the three sitting on the floor, "you three come with me."

She walked over and opened the door leading to the corridor that would take them to her ship but before leaving she turned back to Steve. "Oh, and tell your mother not to get married, and she won't get her heart broken."

"Get out," Steve said in contempt as he pushed her the rest of the way through the door. As she left Steve thought he might have seen a flicker of hurt and remorse in her eyes, but quickly dismissed the thought as he turned to go back to Bob's quarters where his mother currently was.

* * *

Earlier right after Steve has left…

Boadicca brought Bob's head down to rest on her shoulder, "Oh my son, I hope you know what you're doing. Don't get yourself in to deep with the likes of her, she's crafty, she cares for no one but herself."

Then she hugged him a bit tighter and whispered inaudibly to herself, "You look so much like your father. I can't bear to lose you too."

* * *

Back on Morrigan's Ship…

"Yes. All is going as planned, if this keeps up I'll have Boadicca's ship, and my plan to conquer our home planet will be set!" she rubbed her hands together gleefully as she let out a cackling laugh before turning down the corridor giving orders to various ravens as she went.

* * *

Review Responses:

Belisse: glad to see you're so enthusiastic

Strawberry Cupcake: well thank you

The Perfect Chicken: I refuse to dignify that with a response


	8. Training

Chapter 8

A/N: I apologize I have very vague knowledge of tattoo artistry if someone sees a problem please tell me and I shall correct it… and as always I am open to any and all suggestions anyone might throw my way. Please R&R

* * *

Last Time… 

"Yes. All is going as planned, if this keeps up I'll have Boadicca's ship, and my plan to conquer our home planet will be set!" she rubbed her hands together gleefully as she let out a cackling laugh before turning down the corridor giving orders to various ravens as she went.

* * *

Now One Week Later on Morrigan's Ship (In Jim's Emporium)… 

_As we enter the scene Morrigan is currently teaching Bob how to do Tattoos. Bob, for his part, is failing miserably._

"Bob, Bob, Bob. How many times do I have to tell you, you don't hold the needle like that!"

Morrigan ranted.

Morrigan snatched the needle from him demonstrating yet again the proper technique. Before shoving it roughly back in his hands and asking him to repeat the procedure while she walked across the room to get a different color ink.

Upon her return she stopped suddenly realizing that yet again Bob had gotten it wrong. "No! No! NO!" she punctuated the end of her sentence by flinging the needle she'd recently retrieved with the ink towards his head. Bob ducked and the needle hit the wall behind him with a clang sticking firmly in place.

"Now go get that," Morrigan ordered while she set the fresh ink she was carrying down at their workstation.

* * *

Boadicca and Steve, Currently Shopping in Jim's Emporium… 

"Here, Steve," Boadicca said holding her newest parcel out behind her. When no one took it she turned around to find Steve and saw him a good 50 ft. behind her looking in a window at the newest electronic devices.

"Steve! I have a package," Boadicca expecting her ever obedient son to rush over to her and take her newest package of bath salts to add to his ever growing collection of various parcels.

Steve, though not intending to ignore his beloved mother, simply didn't hear her and continued to stare at the window.

"STEVE!" Boadicca bellowed.

Steve quickly jerked to attention and saw his now very irate mother glaring at him holding out a sack. He quickly ran to her side, well as quickly as he could carrying four very large, very heavy, sacks.

"Now didn't I tell you to stay with me?" Boadicca asked calmly.

"Yes, Mother," Steve replied taking her newest sack. Then continued to follow her around to the various other shops.

* * *

Review Responses: 

The Perfect Chicken?

Belisse: I tried to warn you in my authors note… but did you listen? Actually I don't know if you did or not… hehe… but I'm glad you're enjoying it, and although that was a fun twist to the story it was also a necessary one. we needed to create a past history between Morrigan and Boadicca and well once we started talking it simply escalated _shrugs_


	9. Yes Mother

Chapter 9

* * *

Last Time…

"Yes, Mother," Steve replied taking her newest sack. Then continued to follow her around to the various shops.

3 hours later…

Boadicca looked at the clock and realized it was almost time to rescue her beloved Bob from Morrigans deadly clutches. "Time to go Steve," she chimed to the walking pile of packages behind her.

"Yes mother," Steve attempted to reply, but it came out muffled.

* * *

10 Minutes Later…

Boadicca and a very strange pile of packages with legs approached The Ravens Lair, as Morrigans shop was called.

"Oh, Bob dear," Boadicca chimed, "It's time to go."

Bob sighed, "Coming mother!"

He moved to get out of his seat but was pushed back down by Morrigan, "Did I dismiss you?" she asked.

"Now on opening day of Bob's Tattoo Parlor, I expect you to meet me there an hour early."

"Bob!" Boadicca chimed impatiently.

"He'll be along in a moment," Morrigan replied cheekily.

"Alright _now _you are dismissed," she said refocusing her attention on her new pupil.

* * *

Review Responses:

The Perfect Chicken: are you asking me this because you're curious? Or are you bored and can think of nothing else to say?

Missmcweir: I trust that you have received and thoroughly enjoyed your letter. Morrigan just happened to stop by as she lives 30 minutes away and it is hard to get her here.

_The Interpreter_

Belisse: ah yes Morrigan believes Steve has received an awful lot of abuse lately and we should lighten up… any opinions on the subject?


	10. Beamer'

Chapter 10

* * *

1 Week Later (Opening Day)…

Morrigan and Bob were holding a buy one get one ¼ off sale on tattoos (as Morrigan was too stingy for ½ off).

Bob was hurriedly tattooing customers, while Morrigan, arms crossed and her favorite raven perched on her shoulder oversaw everything from her stool in the corner.

Of course Boadicca and Steve were there as well. Boadicca was chatting with customers while they waited every now and then surreptitiously glaring at Morrigan from the corner of their eyes. Steve for his part was sulking in the corner opposite Morrigan yet closest to his mother unhappy that she had forgotten him in all the excitement.

* * *

In Jim's Emporium in front of The Raven's Lair after Closing…

An unscrupulous trader called Gaelen is attempting to sell Morrigan what he would refer to only as a 'beamer.' It supposedly could send people, things, ravens, etc. to a designated location with only the push of a button.

"I'm still not sure this 'beamer' will actually work," Morrigan said suspiciously eyeing the contraption in front of her warily.

Gaelen, anxious to make a sale, continued to rant upon the benefits of his merchandise. "Of Course it will work, it can send anything anywhere you wish," he stated firmly.

"Alright, I'll take it," Morrigan said still suspicious, "but if it doesn't work I promise you will pay with your life."

"Oh thank you it's been a real pleasure doing business with you. I…" Gaelen stated, thinking he may have gone a little _too_ far in his previous statements about the wonders of his newest device.

"Oh shut up! I do not wish to listen to you babble any longer. Take your things and get off my ship!"

* * *

Review Responses:

Belisse: ah yes be patient it's coming, all shall be revealed in due time. You don't need to apologize I like long reviews and yours always tend to be constructive, they get me thinking. Yes there will be plenty of humor and I wouldn't underestimate Morrigan if was you she has her hand in everything. This update was probably not as long as you were hoping for but do not despair a long one is coming and I should have another one up in a day or so.

Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith: ah poor Steve… me and Morrigan were recently discussing how to let him have a break for a bit. I see you've got up I was wondering there for a while…

The Perfect Chicken: glare


	11. Spys

Chapter 11

* * *

Last Time…

"Oh thank you it's been a real pleasure doing business with you. I…" Gaelen stuttered thinking he may have gone a little _too_ far in his previous statements about the wonders of his newest device.

"Oh shut up! I do not wish to listen to you babble any longer. Take your things and get off my ship!"

Unbeknownst to either Morrigan or Gaelen, Steve was skulking in the corner near the door waiting for an opportunity to leave. Steve had come back to retrieve more bath products for his mother who was anxiously waiting to try out her new whirlpool tub, where exactly she acquired this rare commodity is unknown.

Once Morrigan had slipped off to experiment with her new 'beamer,' Steve was able to slip out the door and back to his mother.

* * *

Boadicca's Personal Quarters…

After Steve has reiterated Morrigan's entire conversation with Gaelen word for word, Boadicca tossed her head back and laughed.

"Steve you know it can't _possibly_ work. Gaelen is nothing more than a thief, nothing he sells ever works. Morrigan was a fool to even purchase it from him." Boadicca reassured her son before ushering him out the door so she could take her bath.

* * *

Review Responses:

The Perfect Chicken: ok now I'm confused… not that that's hard mind you but usually I have some slight understanding of what your trying to tell me…

Belisse: ah that she is. No I'm afraid he hasn't, sadly he's actually pretty good.


	12. Mutilation

Chapter 12

* * *

Last Time…

Once Morrigan had slipped off to experiment with her new 'beamer,' Steve was able to slip out the door and back to his mother.

* * *

The Next Day…

"Now don't you worry, this wont hurt a bit. I'm just going to send you to the end of the ship and back," Morrigan explained calmly to the quivering raven standing in front of her. The raven bobbed his head as if to indicate he did in fact understand.

Morrigan, after making some adjustments, aimed the 'beamer' at the raven and poof, he was gone. A few moments later she beamed him back, minus a few necessary parts, when he appeared she let out a startled scream.

"My poor baby! What happened to all your feathers!" she asked cuddling him closely to her.

She sent ravens down to the other end of the ship to retrieve the lost feathers and then sewed the poor thing a miniature cape for him to wear before sending him into confinement until his feathers grew back.

* * *

3 Hours Later…

"Finally!" Morrigan sighed, "I can send things now without them being mutilated in the process."

In the back of the ship, each confined separately, was an assortment of a dozen or so ravens missing various parts.

Morrigan rubbed her hands together greedily, "At last, everything is in place. Now to set the trap."

* * *


	13. Konan

Chapter 13

* * *

Last Time…

Morrigan rubbed her hands together greedily, "at last everything is in place. Now to lay the trap."

* * *

Several Days later in Bob's Tattoo Parlor…

"I have a gift for you," Morrigan stated calmly holding out a covered cage to Bob.

"A pet," she said quickly seeing his wary look. She uncovered the cage and took out a raven, since all Wraith know better than to cage a raven.

Bob took him gently with a puzzled look on his face, "Um… thanks I'll… take care of him." He said sitting the raven on his forearm.

"You had better take good care of him, he's very special." Morrigan then turned on her heels and left.

After her departure the raven cocked his head and focused his deep purple eyes on Bob. "What are you looking at?" Bob asked the raven before transferring him to his shoulder.

* * *

2 Hours Later…

Boadicca sauntered into Bob's Tattoo Shop to retrieve her son for lunch. As he turned towards her she noticed the new addition to his attire. "What is _that_!" Boadicca asked harshly.

Bob looked puzzled for a moment before realizing what she was referring to. "Oh, you mean Konan?"

"Who?" she asked puzzled.

"He's a raven. What else would he be?"

"You _named _that _thing_?"

"Mother! You'll hurt his feelings," Bob said stroking the raven's head softly with his hand.

"**Feelings!** What **feelings!** Ravens don't have **feelings**."

"Roxy has feelings. So why can't Konan have feelings," Bob said defensively.

"Bob dear, Roxy is a dog," Boadicca said slowly. "Not a raven, there is a difference. For instance dogs are further up the food chain, the dog eats the cat which in turn eats the bird." She explained.

At the word bird Konan gave a loud indignant 'Cah!' taking great offence at being referred to as a mere 'bird.'

"See what you've done now. You've gone and upset him."

"This is not the point! Where did it come from?"

"It was gift mother," at her expectant look he continued, "from Morrigan."

"Morrigan! You took something from that **infidel**!"

"No…" he said slowly, "she gave it too me. It would've been insulting to refuse."

"As if it would've mattered if you had insulted _her._ It's not as if that woman has any feelings. She's using that thing against you my son. I tell you she's up to no good. But," she held up a hand to forestall his protestations, "if you must keep the wretched thing," Konan let out another indignant screech, "keep it well away from me. I want nothing, _absolutely nothing_,to do with it. Do you understand me?"

"Yes mother," Bob said discouraged.

Upon realizing that she was yelling at her beloved son, her face softened and she took on a sweeter tone of voice, "Now Bob dear, I don't mean to upset you. I just don't want you getting hurt," he nodded. "Now if I've said it once I've said it a million times that woman is a crafty little thing that cares for no one but herself."

* * *

Review Responses:

The Perfect Chicken: you know I don't know why you keep calling me 'mortal' as if it were an insult… are you not mortal as well mellon nin?

Belisse: I am sorry I have made you wait this long… yes poor poor ravens one must wonder why they stand by her so…


	14. Dinner?

Chapter 14

* * *

Last Time…

"Yes mother," Bob said discouraged.

Upon realizing that she was yelling at her beloved son, her face softened and she took on a sweeter tone of voice, "Now Bob dear, I don't mean to upset you. I just don't want you getting hurt," he nodded. "Now if I've said it once I've said it a million times that woman is a crafty little thing that cares for no one but herself."

* * *

Now…

"Oh Steve Dear," Boadicca cajoled as she entered the house.

"Yes Mother," Steve said as he walked to the door of the kitchen so he could see her.

"What _are_ you doing in there?" Boadicca asked upon noticing his apron tightly fastened around his waist.

Steve turned and walked back in the kitchen, "Cooking, what else…"

"And just exactly what are you cooking and who are you cooking it for?"

"For dinner mother."

"Where's Jean?" (Pronounced John)

"He's sick."

Boadicca surveyed the array of ingredients and pots scattered about the kitchen counters.

"What are you making again?" Boadicca asked.

"You'll see mother. You'll see, now why don't you go pick up Roxy and by the time you and Bob get back I should be finished. Now shoo," He punctuated his statement by giving her a firm shove towards the door.

Boadicca turned and gave him a shocked look, before huffing out of the room.

* * *

Review Responses:

Strawberry cupcake: don't worry I won't let her harm the ravens… too much…

Smart guinea pig to recognize the genius that is the wraith and mourn each lost life…

Yes one must wonder about such things as 'sliced bread'

Belisse: I'm glad you like it and I'm hoping to bring Roxy into the picture soon. I know it must be strange to have wraith have all these things but then again why couldn't they, they have access to almost everything we do so…

The Perfect Chicken: is this supposed to be the silent treatment or something?


	15. Dog Meets Bird

Chapter 15

A/N: so there were a few comments about the wraith eating food. Well you see our elaborate theory, that took maybe half an hour to concoct, goes something like this. The wraith can eat human food (see ep. Micheal) it is simply distasteful to them. But with the current shortage on humans they have to make do with what they have. Therefore they must have some excellent chefs among them in order to try and make up for the distastefulness. Oh and though they can sustain on human food it would reduce them to a normal lifespan, they need humans to elongate their lives. Any protests of this theory?

-----------

Last Time…

"You'll see mother. You'll see, now why don't you go pick up Roxy and by the time you and Bob get back I should be finished. Now shoo," He punctuated his statement by giving her a firm shove towards the door.

Boadicca turned and gave him a shocked look, before huffing out of the room.

-----------

Now…

As Boadicca searched for Bob, she stumbled upon a hallway where the lights had gone out. _–'hmmm… I guess this will be the first thing I'll pay to have fixed.'-_ She thought as she turned to go down the darkened corridor.

As she rounded the first corner she saw a strange light coming from underneath the next door. She stopped and listened to the strange and eerie sound, that she knew she had heard before but couldn't place, coming from the other side of the door. As she crept closer to try and decipher the inane squeaking, she was startled by a yell coming from further down the corridor.

"Konan!"

As she listened the squeaking reached a fevered pitch before she heard a strange whirring sound and all was silent again.

The door started to creep open and she flattened herself against the wall so as not to be seen by any of the room's occupants, but instead of finding a group of Wraith slinking out she saw only that devious raven of Morrigan's flutter down the corridor opposite the way she had come.

She glanced around the corner into the room but noticed nothing out of place, so she decided to follow Konan, who inevitably led her to the main object of her search, Bob.

"Ah here you are dear," Boadicca stated smiling at her beloved son before brushing past him and continuing out of the darkened corridor into a lighted one. She turned back when she realized he wasn't following her, "Well come, come dear. We haven't got all day."

Bob started to trail after her a bewildered expression on his face, "Where are we going?" He asked genuinely confused.

"To get Roxy dear, didn't I tell you earlier?"

He shook his head no.

"Ah well now you know so let's get a move on."

"But mother why can't Steve go with you," Bob whined, "You_ know_ Roxy doesn't like me."

"Steve," Boadicca drawled, "Is cooking dinner." She paused to open the door to the transport. "Jean is sick and he's taken it upon himself to fill in. He wouldn't tell me what he was cooking though."

"Ah well that explains everything," Bob said sarcastically.

"Don't you take that tone with me. You're coming with me to get Roxy and that's final." She turned to look at him and noticed Konan.

"Uckh, does _he_ have to come."

"Well there is no time to take him home and Roxy will have to meet him sooner or later anyway."

Boadicca simply sighed and waited for Bob to get in the transporter before activating the control that would take them up four decks to the transport ship that would take them to her sisters.

-----------

Half an hour later, on Bob's aunt's ship…

Boadicca cuddled a small, long-haired, yorkie in her arms while cooing to it, "how's mommies baby? I'm sorry I had to leave you so long, yes I am."

"Mom it's not your 'baby'," Bob sighed.

"Oh, Bob be quiet!"

Suddenly Roxy spotted Konan and a barking/screeching contest ensued. Both Boadicca and Bob tried to calm their pets as Meredith, Boadicca's sister, fled the room. She wasn't nearly as strong willed as Boadicca herself was.

Through all the noise Boadicca someone how managed to tell Bob that it was time to go, and as she so eloquently put it, "To shut that raven up now!"

-----------

Dinnertime…

Konan was sitting on the edge of the table, stealing bits and pieces from Bob's plate periodically, while Roxy ran around under the table yapping at him. Not that he seemed to mind.

Steve annoyed his gourmet dinner was being ruined, after all the hard work he put into it, turned to his mother. "Could you please make Roxy stop yapping and running around my legs? It's annoying as hell!"

"Yes, she's a nice dog isn't she," Boadicca responded, before giving Roxy some table scraps.

Steve rolled his eyes, before letting out a frustrated sigh, "I can't take this racket anymore!" he practically yelled before storming off to his own personal quarters.

Boadicca watched him go before turning back to Bob bewildered, "Now what in the worlds gotten into him?"

-----------

A/N: Morrigan happens to be based on a very good friend of mine and in fact said friend writes most of Morrigans lines. So in essence Morrigan is her, as a wraith. So if you happen to see a note attached to one of these stories or an email or review response signed Morrigan, it is not me it is her. She enjoys acting quite a bit so its fun for her to play the part of the power hungry wraith with a superiority complex, at least in writing.

A/N 2: I can't believe I just sat on this for so long. I'm terribly sorry I thought I'd put it up. Anyway I've been thinking of revamping BTP to make it sound better, any comment complaints? Any one left? I wouldn't blame you had you abandoned me but I have felling my writers blocks gone now so…

Review Responses:

To All: my immense apologies once again and… and… well I'd offer you Bob but I don't think anyone would want a wraith. How about adopting one of Morrigans ravens? That's been an idea from quite a while back actually we have a list with names and ailments and everything. Anyway that's off track. Sorry for being so long!

Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith: one of my loyal story followers. Thank you for reviewing and for the encouragement. But I went through the whole graduating turning 18 adjusting to college thing and now I'm back, as my writers block has finally let up.

Belisse: yes we thought it was quite fitting. He protested loudly but then we said we could have him killed in a freak accident instead and he shut up.

Strawberry Cupcake: I like long pointless reviews. Or long reviews that actually do have a point. Doesn't matter. I would like to say I look forward to it but I doubt you're still waiting so…

Port of Seas: I hope our theory was enough of an explanation


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